break up

Recently one of my very best girlfriends, A, came back to the East coast from CA after working out there for a few months restoring trails in the desert. I was SO proud of her for going out there knowing how much it scared her to take a spontaneous chance and be away from her family, dog and quiet life. As well as her boyfriend.

The guy that was still around after three years and I don’t even know how. Or why. I was there when A was first seeing this guy. Days after she met him she told me that he was addicted to Percocets. A painkiller. That he abused. For no reason other than to mask his reality. His reality, which included my girlfriend! Which he did not deserve. But A couldn’t stay away from him. Her way of doing things was as such: keep a boyfriend at all times. Before this guy, let’s call him Carl Jones, there was Ethan. And once she felt like she had something solid with Carl, she and Ethan were done.

They had ups and downs for three years. They broke up and made up several times. Carl liked me for the most part. Except for the few months that he thought A and I were cheating on him in a lesbian relationship. Which we may as well have called ourselves since we were practically dating. Same backpack, same laptop, same bicycle, same ringtone, same diet, same extracurriculars. We just didn’t kiss each other. Except on the cheek every now and then, while balancing a beer in one hand and a camera in the other.

Another thing A and I had that Carl didn’t have was trust. A trusted me completely, and I her. She always complained about Carl and said what a turd he was; how she was the opposite of attracted to him. How he never wanted to do… anything. “But he’s a nice guy!!” she would plead; to herself for trying to mask the feelings of guilt she had for wanting to leave him. A is a people pleaser. She puts others before herself, and sometimes to her detriment.

I visited her in March 2015 and convinced her to break up with Carl for the last time. It was easy. She started to complain about him as usual and talked about how she needed to do her own thing; she needed to grow and progress and better herself. All I said was “Do it. I dare you.” She giggled that awesome giggle while staring intently at me, knowing that I was serious and kind of hesitating to respond. “Okay” she said. And picking up her phone, A walked over to the sliding glass door to the outside, upstairs patio, went outside closing the door behind her, and ended things with the sorry louse.

She was a bit sad here and there for the next couple of days, but the healing process had begun. She did it! And kept it up. Fast forward to June 13 and A is with me for my brother’s HS graduation. This year marked my five-year reunion. Cray.

A is still separate from Carl but he knows she’s back. And the longer she’s smelling the same smells of the East, walking the same roads, eating the same foods with all the same faces, she’s challenged. She can’t seem to remember why she broke up with Carl. She was strong with 3000 miles between them, but only 300? Ten times weaker. So weak that she goes to see him. And laughs. And texts. And smiles. And then feels badly.

As far as I know they are still apart. That is to be continued. The point is, sometimes we forget why we end certain relationships and have to re-live things again to find out why. Sometimes a huge part of us itches and cries to feel the same feelings again, thinking we were happier then. Only to find out that memories live on, but people and relationships grow apart. Savor the flavor of the memories; they dance and live on as we like them, and nobody can change that. Usually breaking up with people or bad habits takes quite a few tries, and each time it gets a little easier ~*~

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