Everyone loves big butts, and they canNOT lie

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This post isn’t about Korean people, but that picture rocked what I’m trying to get at.

When I was fifteen I went to a concert in Massachusetts with two of my best friends and two other friends. We were in Lowell, which is a pretty diverse city. I mention that is because I grew up in a white neighbourhood in the woods where we had One black kid in our entire school (of only ~400 to be fair, but still) and I wasn’t used to seeing other skin colors! And I also wasn’t used to being talked to the way I did that night.

The five of us girls were walking around, about 9:00 PM when we came across a couple black dudes outside of a 7-Eleven. I was wearing a green sweatshirt. They asked us to come over to their apartment and smoke weed with them in which we proceeded to say “hayull no”. And we started quickly walking away. One of the two dudes called out to us after we’d crossed the street and said “Yo girl in the green, girl in the green!! You got a PHAT ASS!”

Semi shell-shocked, I quickly responded, “I got it from my mama!” And kept going. Thankyou Will.I.Am.

Now. The truth is, besides the fact that I actually “got it” from my dad’s side of the family, is that yes, I got some junk in my trunk. And for all yall that have some junk back der, you’ve probably been called out once or twice. And maybe even prodded when you didn’t expect to be.

And I’m not just talking about perverted dudes at concerts or in tightly packed subways who can’t contain their limbs from caressing my curvature (even though there were plenty of those times). I’m talking about children.

There were several times this summer when the kids I nanny walked by me and commented on, slapped or at times, poked my butt. And like, I get it. It’s big. It’s bouncy. It’s in ya face when you’re a short kid (not so much for Miss 11-yo). But there’s a time and a place for booty-grazing, and that is certainly not in the kitchen of the baby-sat kids.

SO. I’ve called them out. I’ve sternly set the boundaries. I’ve stifled laughter (usually successfully), raised my eyebrows and pointed my accusing finger. And for the most part, the pokes halted. Until Friday.

We were playing pool. It was my turn to shoot. I bent down over the low table and lined up my shot, and 8 yo H was commentating. “Aaaand here comes Velvet with her BIG! ROUND! BUTT! in my face!” *THWUMP* and he hits my butt with his fist.

Silence ensues. Looks are exchanged.

“H, what did I tell you about hitting my butt?”

Both kids die of laughter. 😀 😀 I try to suppress a smile. It was hard to force it away.

So some discipline was issued. Some big personal space lessons were attempted to be taught. And the world keeps spinning.

Sigh. What’s a girl with a big booty to do?? 😉

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